My wish ... for me

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I have always loved this song... gotta love country music! I was listening to it again today while reading a post from F*&cked to Fab and realised that I have a wish for myself. I am just not very good at putting it into words - or realising that it is ok for me to have this goal for myself and to put it first.

One of the pre-season tasks for the MB 12WBT was to make a commitment to the program, and to yourself. This was the only pre-season task that I actually skipped over, at the time it just was something that I was like "oh yeah, I know what I want"... and I passed over it.

Looking now, I realised that if I put it down on paper than I was putting it out there that my commitment meant that I had to stand by what I said I was going to do.. no backing down, no excuses, that was what I said I was going to do and that was way to scary even 3 weeks ago.

But now, even just 2 and a bit weeks in, I realise that I need to make the commitment, I need to say out loud my wish for me, so that I have it to come back to and know that that is what I am working towards.

So here we go

My commitment to myself is that I deserve to be healthy and happy and that I am committed to doing what is needed to achieve that goal. I am committed to the eating plan (which I am LOVING!) as I know that it is the way to ensure that I succeed. I am committed to making exercise a part of my daily life. This might not mean sticking perfectly to the exercise plan but doing something each and every day that brings me closer to my goal, from this I am also committed to understanding that I am not perfect and nor am I yet in a place that this is going to come easily, but I am committed to trying.

The lessons and the achievement come purely from the doing, not the doing it perfectly.

I am also committed to learning to appreciate myself and recognise that my effort is worth praise. Just because I am not going to be the best, the fastest the fittest or the thinest, does not mean that I am not doing a GREAT JOB towards my goal.

So that is my wish for me, but unlike wishing on a star, or blowing out a candle, my wish is going to come true on step at a time, one mouthful at a time, one day at a time - until I am living my wish.

A bitter sweet goodbye... and hello

So a little time in between posts, have be steadily focusing on the 12WBT that starts on Sunday.

I have been focusing on working the habits into my lifestyle now so that when it all starts it is no large challenge and easy to see the goal!

It was funny today having a conversation with a work mate and really seeing that I was beginning to understand that what goes in I have to work off and it really isnt a matter of being deprived because if I put it in then I need to be willing to work it off. It is funny how easy it is to say no when I have that mind set!

Official starting weight is 115.8 kilos - it has been nice seeing the scales going down every day and knowing that is really hasn't been that hard - just planning what I am going to eat and OMG Facebook Fitness and my friends have been a godsent!

But as I sit here I realise that it is a bit scary : not because I don't think I can do it, but because I am realising that I can... does that make sense?

I have never known myself to think that I can lose weight - I have always been full of excuses
"I can't", "I don't like exercises" "I have always been fat" "why should I" ... blah blah blah.

I don't know how the new Mac is going to look, I have never looked like I am going to.
I don't know how the new Mac is going to feel - I have never been active in watching my food and exercise.

What I do know is that I am excited to meet her!

So goodbye to sadness, to existing, to fast food and Mac's and no responsibility. Goodbye to watching my life pass me by.... and Hello to health, happiness, activity, fun and feeling great! Hello to size 12 jeans!!!!

All I need is a little help from my friends.....

Morning Morning,

So last night I was thinking about the pre-season exercise 2 and the excuses and solutions that I make to get out of being accountable when it gets a little hard (ie - to tired, not motivated etc!) and I decided to ask some of my best friends to become my "group of arse kickers!"

Sounds easy.... let me tell you declaring to 8 of my closest friends that I wear size 24 pants was actually one of the hardest things I have ever done, I have spent a good part of my life denying that the weight is actually an issue and playing the "Jolly Fat Girl" part to a tea. (well maybe in my case Sarcastic Fat Girl)

I truly reaslied last night as the messages of "sure I will kick your arse" messages rolling in on facebook, how truly blessed I am to have the best group of friends that love and support me!

So to my arse kickers (AK) I say thank you!! And while I know at some point in the next 12 weeks I am desperately going to need it - I am looking forward to not just a telling off but sharing this with you all in some small way.

So with that in mind, the pre-season task 2 was to write down all my excuses that I use to not exercise or eat correctly and the solutions. For the AK if you hear any of this garbage being sprouted back at you ... you have the solutions!!!

My Excuses and Their Solutions

Internal Excuses
To tired
I deserve to be able to eat what I want
I was born like this: nothing is going to change it
I am too busy at work I am a bad mother if I spent time on me and not at home with my kids
If I take time out for me, it is time I am not at home doing what I need to in terms of housework etc
I am fat - there is nothing else for me
I am just no good at exercises
I will fail if I try so what is the point

Solutions
I need to realise that if I am happy and healthy then my kids are going to be better off cause I am going to be around longer and have a better lifestyle with me.
I need to realise that nothing in this life is final - weight included. I was not born at 120kilos and I dont have to stay 120kilos.
I deserve to be healthy; the sense of entitlement is just an excuse to avoid taking responsibillity for my food choices, I can have anything in moderation but if I want to achieve my goals then I need to realise that I DESERVE to eat and enjoy food that is going to assist me in my goals, not stifle them and make me feel worse about myself when I eat them anyways
What good am I going to be in my career if I have had a stroke, heart attack or can no longer function normally because of my weight.
I owe it to myself to schedule exercise above overtime at work I am a highly skilled, highly organised person who can manage to schedule both housework and exercise into my routine - it is not an all or nothing situation - and if I take the time that I sit on the couch “thinking about exercise” and JFDI it will be done and I will feel better anyways
I have not always been fat - There is PLENTY more for me - I deserve to be healthy and fit and enjoy life - not just existing!
I am actually quite good at exercising (and have been told so by every trainer I have worked with) I do actually enjoy the time on my own to focus on me. I am going to realise that failure is actually achieved when I do nothing rather than something - so rather than focusing on the final goal (which is daunting) I am going to set daily goals which are easy to achieve and harder to avoid

External Excuses Within My Control
I am busy at work
Running late to work so cant make it to the gym

Solutions
I am going to schedule time to exercise over the 10 hours of overtime that I put in every week and which while it benefits my job, means I am not looking after myself.
I deserve to put myself first I am a member of a 24 hour gym - if I dont get there when I plan to: I can go ANY OTHER TIME throughout the 24 hours of day. I just need to adapt and reschedule and stick to it.

External Excuses Outside My Control
Kids get sick
Job Crisis

Solutions
Realise that sometimes s&*t happens and one missed training session does not mean that I have failed. Tomorrow is a new day and the perfect place to get back into gear and continue on the journey

Baby got back....

Sometimes I have to laugh at how the universe decides that you need to hear a message and proceeds to ensure that you hear and heed the message.

I have never heard of the 12WBT before.... until this week.

Wednesday Morning: Heading to work I hear 4 ads for the 12WBT... initial thoughts, that would be cool, but in the hectic chaos of the day, I didn’t think about it again.

Thursday Morning: Again heading to work, I turn on the radio to hear the Michelle is going to be interviewed on the radio later that morning. Again “That would be cool, I should really look into it”.. again get to work, having not really paid attention to the bigger message and got on with my day

Friday morning: 2 more adverts – me thinking “wow they really are pushing this program”... into work, day continues with me taking no action... and here is where the universe clearly decided I needed a bit of a smack upside the head.... Heading down to the car to go home, I drop my keys..... (can you see where this is going???) and hear what sounded like a F18 across the sky ... RRRRIIIIPPPPP... the arse of ONLY pair of work pants that fit, spilt!!!

*insert several swear words here* Turn on the radio and you guessed it ... Michelle Bridges 12WBT! Ok Ok I get it!

So here I am... I signed up Friday night, ( I really couldn’t afford to lose any more clothing!) I went to replace that pair of pants today and in a follow up kick to the guts, I have realised that I have now put on so much weight that I am wearing (and I mean only just) a size 24 pair of pants!

Yep Universe I hear you – and I am checking in.....

So here’s to the next 12 weeks .... Here’s to me being able to fit into a pair of pants again (other wise working from home may need to become a permanent solution!) ... Here’s to see a 90’s number at the end of this 12 weeks..... and here’s to never hearing my pants rip again!!!!